Significant

i really dont know if i still feel the same.. whether i still care or whether i hate you... but i do know that i miss you. the friend 

i was having a great day!
really.. ahah.. until recess -_-" i mean.. it was the ugly truth i had to hear!!
i was doing so well.. rebuilding it.. lol...
yea,  guess that the foundation's not stable yet!
ER why does time... take so friggin long..
LORD please just take me away nlang to where i'm meant to be.. and i know it's with you =) ..
(so much for the sermon on death last week ahah yes death does have it's good side you dont feel anything..ahah main goal is to worship GOD and bring Him the glory.. and praise Him.. so why here on earth? hmm.. ...<small>i know a friend that has swine flu though..? hmm sounds goood........hmm.....??? should i?</small>LOL.. joke. tsktsk. i am not that pathetic lol.. suicide is not in my vocab
yea.. i guess that's just the way it is.. ahah but i'm known for not sticking to the status quo! i do not color inside the lines, i think out of the box.. i am different i dont stick to the this-is-the-normal-way! forget it...normal is weird.. weird is the new normal.. lol..?? wth
yea..<big><b>SOMEONE WONT REPLY TO A VANS TXT MSG!yea!! guessing you dont want your bday prez!!! i mean i'd look way better in it =p joke</b></big> <s>ignore much so much for the i promise to be pals.. yea rite!.. omg.. do NOT make promises you cant keep and fyi you have made alot of em ahaha.. lol.. but somehow i knew.. yet i still had hope..WHAT WAAS I THINKING.. AHAH..</s>
honestly.. <s>i am absolutely fine with the new arrangement that was suppose to happen. the best pal thing.. i guess i wasnt worth much to you that you were able to forget and have no feeling anymore so yea*clapping.. why is it so difficult for <small>you</small> to do the pal thing? i wanna become pals.though i still have peelings por you..you dont care anymore so WHAT you aint letting me.. so.. thinking about it.. when <small>you</small> are ready.. call me. cause it feels like bs to me now ahah..all this.. down rite bs..</s> ahah.. idk.. ahah.. aa..
 yea.. thanks kamkam.. for telling me ;) wink wink.. ahha.. at least now i know...thank you! ^_^ i would have been giving myself false hope.. ahah all the more reason to hate 'it' yea.. but the thirst for revenge still lingers in me!! ahah.. i want my chance.. ahah but scared to <b>kill</b> it ahahha..WOOOah.. ahah chilling.. ahah omg.. i must have been reall========y hyper.. aha.

<big>OK WEIRDLY.. I MANAGED TO LIKE TYPE THIS OUT IN LESS THAN A MINUTE. AHAH.. AND At 3AM WOO.... YEA JUST DO WAT I DO BEST.. WRITE NOTES ON FACEBOOK..VENTING MY FEELINGS NOT TRYING TO HINT AT ANYONE OR ANYTHING AT ALL!!! REALLY.. AHAH.. BECAUSE I HAVE GUTS TO TELL THEM STRAIGHT TO THE FACE IF I HAVE A PROB WITH EM! not thru stats..or maybe some peeps are just too busy with other skinnier gals aahah.. seriously your taste dropped after me.. aahha tsk tsk.. ahah even i know i look better!!!!!DANG! i hate you.. i hate what you're doing to me... =( really.. it hurst so much.. and dont you dare tell me to just accept it.. oK.. i am friggin trying here!!!!!!! but i just keep missing you instead!!!i'm so fed uP</BIG>

p.s.
if you read this... it's probably only you ahha.. or other two peeps.. ahah seem to be a bit drunk here.. ahhah ew. sorry.. i needed to be mean.. ahha cause wat else am i suppose to do lie!!!! no way!!! i cant shut up either casue my head and my heart will expload!!!!!
SO SHISH!! SHUT YOUR LIPS.. do the.... ahah joke.. but yea.. SHISH!! LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT TO TAKE THIS OF MY CHEST!without  <small>you</small> complaining.. it's <small>your</small> fault.. pride and humiliation.. my foot! it's all ego!




......man ehehe.. in real life like rite now. i am just really mad!! like volcano angry!

i am so sorry.. i feel so bad that i put us thru all this! dang.. if only i can take it all back.

 i know i was wrong.. very wrong.. and it's my fault... i am sorry.. reallly really sorry...

why do i wait? to come after me..? no i doubt so.. that'll never happen..

square on is all the way back.. i bounced back so far to may 2008. dang i just hope the ending's different!

oh how like a girl to cry when she's abandoned! how like a girl to always get hurt! oh how like a girl to always give in to the people she loves!oh how like a girl to express how she feels in every opportunity!

i never felt any regret to the things i felt for you in the past months.. what i regret is that i didnt see this coming! though i wanted to say it first.. i am extremly angry at myself for feeling small, sad, defeated and weak because of what happened. a part of me would give anything thing to reverse this! but the other part, i'm glad it's over.. not because i didn't feel the same way anymore. but because i'll get a chance to prove something to myself and for the glory of God.. with my whole heart!

i'm mad that i'm not over this.

i'm mad that i let this happen

i'm mad because i'm still mad

i'm mad because i dont know how to let go

i'm mad because i dont know how to forgive me.

 

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes


*lifehouse

yes i was.. only because i didn't know how you felt.. i guess.. i was scared you'd lose intrest.. it got the best of me.. and well you did. i'm happy you did..for the good of the both of us. 

;a final demand.

it's not that important anymore.
but what is, is to follow God and obey His commands..
cause those are His directions.. to fulfill His goal in expanding His kingdom.
the Holy Spirit thought me what to say to a dear friend of mine who was feeling lost.. and i thank God for the tip which made my friend feel so much better.. and found of course..

hehe.. yea.. thats just what i wanted to say.. to give the glory to God and praise HIm for His wonderful works!

i feel more and more forgotten now a days.. but i understand why.. but of course there.. some how there is pain.. maybe yea actually it's doubt..
sometimes.. i dream of what would be the truth that'll answer this doubt; horrible dream..
longing for it to be true.. however praying it's not. but as the days crawl by the dream, that horrible dream seems to slowly materialize before my eyes, is starting to be come true.. thats what i feel.. i'm only human! but then again.. it's not an excuse.

i admit i have been trying to avoid this wonderful invention that brings worlds apart together face to face, from meeting his face.. it does a bit ease the pain.. but it's still there.. i will never know the answers to this particular doubt unless my heart is healed and willing to accept it..

i'm not sure what to do!

free;
adjective: not under control or in power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.

the antonym of free:

Captive;
noun: a person who has been taken prisoner;
imprisoned; confined; trapped